I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
