i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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