i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
two words: eviction party
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
