sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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