I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
