Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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