she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize