I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
