Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
