What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
