I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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