Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
