I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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