I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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