this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
