in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
tell me about the fingering
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