I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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