i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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