You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize