Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.