So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?