I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.