I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Oh god it's open bar.