Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.