sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.