Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
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im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.