There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
