I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
