did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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