I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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