I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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