apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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