dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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