We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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