guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
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If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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