i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize