Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
there is glitter all over my balls
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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