every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
