I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
