bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
