I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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