Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
