I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
