I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize