My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
