I want to make a zoo with you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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