I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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