New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
