why didn't you poke me back
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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