My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
