Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we're so committed to being not committed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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