I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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