Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's blow job season.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
