i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so let's talk penis.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize