i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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