i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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