If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
soo... how was my night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize