Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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